If Fictional Characters had Facebook

*Now with fixed layout!

Okay, readers, I'll be honest: I stole this idea. Blatantly. From right here, in fact. But, just like Disney, I have no problem stealing an established idea, making it longer, and then mass-marketing it. Unlike Disney, I probably won't make money off of it. Nor am I going to make a repeated commentary about the expendability of mothers.

Anyway, I thought it would be fun to expand the video game theme into all of fiction and ponder what kinds of status we'd be getting from these heroes (and villains) of Movies, TV, and Literature. So here it goes.

Fictional Facebook Status Updates



Tyler Durden is not talking about Fight Club. Oh, wait. Shit.
Yesterday at 11:27pm


Dwight Schrute is superior to you.
Today at 1:20pm



Atticus Finch is still preparing his defense. FML.
Today at 3:16am



Gob Bluth has made a huge mistake.
About an hour ago



Frodo Baggins wishes Gollum would stop creepin.
Today at 1:20pm
Gollum likes this.
Today at 1:21pm



Clark Kent is nothing like Superman. Not even a little.
About three hours ago
Lois Lane LOL. You should probably take down your earlier profile pics.
5 minutes ago


Alex de Large is pregaming. party at whoevers house we decide to break into.
9 hours ago


James Bond haD tpo many vofka marhtinsiii
Yesterday at 10:07pm



Neo is not real. Neither is facebook. Or your computer. Or reality.
A moment ago


Sam Spade New favorite song.



Daisy Buchanan party tonight!
Yesterday at 5:34pm
Jay Gatsby likes this.

Jay Gatsby hey wat time?
Yesterday at 5:57pm


Jay Gatsby and should i bring drinks?
Yesterday at 6:12pm


Jay Gatsby ill just come ovr now ;)
Yesterday at 6:31pm


Jay Gatsby why arn't you lettin me in?
Today at 3:33am


Jay Gatsby whore
Today at 3:34am

Socrates too crazy with the hemlock. feel like shit.
2 seconds ago



Hamlet life is bullshit. just listening to hawthorne in my closet. WTF mom! marrying dad's bro less than two months after he died! i might cut myself but ur the one whos effed up. yeah i got a crazy gf who drowned herself (r.i.p. O), but ur waaay worse. PDA = nasty, btw. a retarded monkey wouldv been sadder than you after dad died. i cut my wrists instead of cutting you, bitch. you hadn't even stopped crying before you married uncle claude. (btw, hes as much like dad as i am like effin superman!) ever heard of incest you nasty ho!
Today at 9:12am

Ghost Hamlet yo! y u havnt killed ur uncle yet?
Today at 9:14am

Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia Organa are no longer in a relationship, after finding out they are siblings.
About 2 hours ago

Han Solo likes this.
15 minutes ago



Lolita Haze is in the shower.
47 minutes ago
Humbert Humbert likes this.
47 minutes ago



Don Draper guesses you probably ignore the adds on the side of your facebook. They don't apply to you, right? They're just put there based on items in your "interests" lists. And the stuff in there isn't all true. But it -is- what you want other people to see, isn't it? It's who you want to be--how you want other people to see you. And those ads are based on your interests. Which means the easiest way to be that person is to click on the ad links on the side of your facebook. And don't you want to click? I think you do.
3 hours ago

Pete Campbell Funny, my ad says "Want to be an Ad Executive?" Isn't that swell?
2 hours ago

Peggy Olson Mine says "Want to be Don Draper?" What does that mean?
2 hours ago


Sal Romano Mine says "Want to chat with local male singles?"...
1 hour ago

Montressor is running out to Home Depot for some bricks and mortar. Back later tonight, if you want to hang out, Fortunato.
Yesterday at 4:39pm

There you have it! And if you're wondering what Edgar Allan Poe's Myspace would have looked like, Cracked.com already has you covered.