Handy Halloween Help

Halloween is tomorrow. What? You didn't know that? And you have just 24 hours to put together the best pop-culture referencing costume $25 can buy? Don't worry. As always, Poposophical is here to help.

What follows are five suggestions for creative, non-traditional costumes that you're pretty much guaranteed not to find anyone else wearing.

1) The Slutty Pumpkin

Womanologist/womanizer and all-around scholar Barney Stinson cites Halloween as the one holiday where chicks have a free pass to slut it up. Are you a chick? Do you want to slut it up? Try going as the slutty pumpkin! While other girls will be going as slutty animals and slutty girls-who-need-attention, you're guaranteed* to be the only slutty orange food! Just take a non-slutty pumpkin costume, and carve it in strategic locations. You'll have guys chasing you all night.

*Guarantee does not exist.

2) Rocky from Rocky VIII: Rocky versus the Stairs

Some people might think that Halloween largely excludes elderly folks from its activities. Some people are wrong. Besides the fact that grandparents all over the country get to stay home, spend no money on candy, leave their front-porch lights on, and then yell threateningly at the poor, confused little children who don't understand why they aren't being handed little packets of childhood obesity, senior citizens can also dress up. For this costume, just walk around in a pair of golden silk boxers (inducing early cases of the Halloween pukes), strap boxing gloves to your arthritic hands, and walk around mumbling incoherently about "Adrian..." and "the guy with the tiger" or whatever. If you don't get invited back to parties next year, you'll know it's because of your awesomely intimidating costume, and definitely not that menthol-cigarette smell.

3) Michael Bay

Walk around shouting "EXPLOSIONS*!"

*Bonus points if you actually have explosions!

4) Katy Perry

Dress up in an over-sexualized version of 1920s clothing, and tell everyone at the party how you kissed a girl, and you liked it, describing the various sensations and reasons behind your "experiment". Tell people not just once, but preferably four or five times. But here's the most important part: do not actually kiss a girl*! That would ruin the illusion, and you would now be Lindsay Lohan, not Katy Perry.

*If you do kiss a girl, make sure you check out College Humor the next day to see the pictures and/or videos.

5) Zombie Dumbledore

The original description, from ~Chris~ on Yahoo! Answers says it all:

"You should dress up as Zombie Dumbledore. Zombie Dumbledore looks like regular Dumbledore, only he has an ATV and a WW2 era helmet with some poker cards attached to it. Also, he's a zombie. It would help if you had one of those huge boa constrictors to wear across your shoulder like a living scarf, too...Zombie Dumbledore has one of those."

Have fun gallivanting around in your awesome costumes! And remember what your parents always told you: Don't accept candy from strangers/the Middle School algebra teacher!