Dedicated to Your Self-Improvment Part I

Edit: Now with pictures!

Here at Poposophical, I’m dedicated to helping you readers keep your lives on track at all times. Now, I know that there are all kinds of companies, products, and personalities that promise you that very same thing. But they’re either being indicted for perjury, sued for false advertising, or are short, annoying men who yell at you incessantly. And, really, who wants that? Various nonprofit organizations also claim to have the goal of helping you overcome obstacles. But maybe twelve steps is just too many for you to remember.

No need to worry—you have me. I realize that most of you might be skeptical about finding useful information on the internet. But don’t let a few idiots on yahoo answers keep you from self-improvement. I’ve come up with four simple, easy-to-remember ways to help you avoid destroying your life beyond all hope. And the best part: they all relate to a popular movie or TV series! I’ll give you the first two today, and the rest soon. You’re probably anxious, so I’ll just jump right into them:

1) WWJD: What would Jim Do? – Jim Halpert is a moral exemplar if I ever saw one. He always knows the right thing to do, whether it’s lending a shoulder to sleep on, pranking a co-worker, or repeatedly flirting with the engaged receptionist. Okay, maybe that last one’s iffy. But still! Jim’s actions can help us all: any time you find yourself in a strange or awkward situation, just ask yourself, “What would Jim do?” Then simply do that thing.

The first thing Jim would do.

Sample situation: Perhaps you’re at the library checking out a book when you noticed that you’re the one being checked out—by the receptionist! Now what do you do? Easy: just remember to ask yourself “What would Jim do?” First, turn to a non-existent camera and raise your eyebrows to acknowledge the situation. Then, lean forward on the desk. Make humorous small talk about the book you’re getting (“Someone already checked out Pride and Prejudice, so I decided to get the sequel, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies.”) Congratulations! You’re on your way to a new ambiguous relationship!

2) BSPA: Barney Stinson Plan of Action – Maybe you have difficulty improvising during problematic situations. This is the method for you. Barney Stinson—suit connoisseur and master analyst of social interactions—has a plan for every occasion. He never enters any situation without knowing exactly what he wants (usually a woman) and how to get it (often involving an elaborate lie). You can do the same! Before doing anything—going to a party, driving to work, showering in the morning, etc.—just write down your goal and draw up a list of possible outcomes and corresponding plans of actions.

Barney Stinson: the man of action.

Sample situation: Let’s say you’re about to go on a first date with that receptionist. Make sure you have Barney’s three essentials: well-tailored suit, prophylactic, and lemon-law card. (For more information about the lemon-law of dating, see The Bro Code, by Barney Stinson.) Don’t forget to review the hot-crazy scale (Ibid.) before leaving, and have a variety of excuses ready if you miss the five-minute frame for the lemon law. Bring a camera for scrapbooking in case things go well, and you’ll be set! Go out ready to enjoy your date!