Poposophical's Sit-On-Your-Ass to Sustain the Status Quo

First, there was Glenn Beck. A month later, Jon Stewart. Less than 30 minutes later, Rev. Sir Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, DFA. They told us Honor had fled our country. Sanity was lost. Fearmongers had downgraded to mere mongers.

Then, they had the audacity to assemble on the nation's second-most sacred location: the Lincoln Memorial. (The most sacred? The Wizarding World of Harry Potter in Orlando.) How dare they desecrate Big Beardy Abe's memorial! As President, Lincoln stood for values like Freedom, Unity, and Suspending the Writ of Habeas Corpus. By launching their campaigns at the foot of his shrine, these mere mortals are crapping in the face of everything our sixteenth deity achieved in his lifetime!


We here at Poposophical intend to fight back against this outrage. But to stage a rally to upstate another rally is like fighting fire with fire: it only exacerbates the problem, even if it looks really damn exciting. So, even with two casting campaigns still active (We're still behind you, Diddles!), Poposophical announces the Poposophical Sit-On-Your-Ass to Sustain the Status Quo!


Who is this for? People who are sick of all these demonstrations but don't give a shit enough to do anything about it! Or maybe they're not sick of the demonstrations--they might even support the demonstrations hypothetically--but they're still too damn lazy to do anything about it! Other rallies talk about true American values, but Poposophical's Sit-On-Your-Ass is the only one that really upholds them.

What, exactly, is it? This is an international event where, on Monday, October 11th, people will not gather in any significant location, and will continue to do exactly whatever the hell they would normally be doing! Do you have work? Go to work! Do you normally skip work? Hit the strip club! Going in for a root canal? Go in with a party hat and suffer the terrible agony!

Why the hell are we doing this?

Uh...


Doing what, exactly? Our normal, monotonous, day-to-day routines? Well, because they're kind of necessary. Besides, these calls to arms are getting kind of ridiculous. First of all, we've totally forgot about making up absurd names just to create a mildly interesting acronym (SOY ASS Q!). Worse, if we keep pledging, rallying, and marching, the whole nation will be too damn tired to do anything else. What energy will be left for destroying the environment or ignoring our loved ones? None, sadly. Just none.

So on October 11th--and really, the majority of weekdays--sit on your ass and keep doing what you usually do. Before it's too late.