Don't Fear the Creeper (A Song)

This isn't an exact figure, merely a rough estimate, but there are about eleventy billion songs in official, recorded existence. Somewhere around 70% fall under the love category: either in-love or out-of-love. A decent 15% are uplifting party-style songs. Approximately 8% are Red Hot Chili Peppers songs. And the remaining 7% are songs dedicated to one's homies. But--I've statistically verified this--an astonishing 0% are songs dedicated to creepers! Sure, there are creepy songs (lookin' at you, Sting), but zero songs dedicated to creepers. So I decided to take a creepy song and alter the lyrics in favor of our underrepresented friends stalkers.

This one's for you, buddy.

Thus, I present:
Don't Fear the Creeper

[Guitar Hook]

All of my free time
I stalk you online
Seasons don’t fear the creeper
Nor does the President or your dear mom (but they don’t have facebook)
Come on baby (don’t fear the creeper)
Accept my friend request (don’t fear the creeper)
You can see my pics (don’t fear the creeper)
And I’ll see your… bumper stickers
I am suuuch a creep
I am suuuch a creep

I use all my time
To stalk people online
I used to do this on myspace
But facebook is much easier (used to be on myspace)
40,000 men and women every day (they have no idea)
40,000 men and women every day (they should be scared)
Another 40,000 coming every day (have to meet a quota)
Come on baby (don’t fear the creeper)
Accept my friend request (don’t fear the creeper)
You can see my pics (don’t fear the creeper)
I can see your drunken-videos-that-your-friends-posted-on-facebook-even-though-you-asked-them-not-to-for-exactly-this-reason
I am suuuch a creep
I am suuuch a creep

Now I know your name
Location, and age
I memorized all of your interests
Favorite movies, TV shows, and songs
Your home phone number and all your deepest fears
Just the right words to bring you to tears
Hey could we meet for a couple beers? (don’t be afraid)
Come on baby (yeah, have no fear)
No, don’t run away (actually on second thought…)
If you want we can both go and smoke some pot (you should probably be afraid)
Come on, take my hand (definitely be afraid)
Come on baby (seriously, run)